Muck
My name is Jordy Deelight, I am a 25 year old, non-binary artist, who stays in Leith, Edinburgh. I come from a working class background, identify on the queer sexuality spectrum and absolutely LOVE sex. It feels a tad ironic saying that just now, since there is a national pandemic happening which has set me some barriers sexually – or at least, at points, tried to…
I live with Cystic Fibrosis, and now, more than ever, need to limit my physical interactions with people until it is safe to do so. I am a very safe sex person, Covid-19 or no Covid-19.
However, since the pandemic has started taking its toll, I have been spending time unearthing my sexuality and the ways it was repressed by past lovers and partners, and this simultaneously happened at the same time I released my collection of sex positive photographs as part of my MA in contemporary art at Edinburgh College of Art.
A week before the national UK lockdown, I collaborated with photographer Rosslyn McKenzie doing a series of photographs in response to Madonna’s ‘Sex’ book. I was inspired by these photos and Madonna’s ‘Erotica’ album, very much a catalyst in opening the taboo conversation of female sexuality and fetish. Sometimes it takes a strong Leo to do this, which Madonna does with style and flare.
My series called “Muck” combined everyday objects that were used to manage and treat my CF - oxygen nasal cannulas, physiotherapy devices, inhalers and needles and syringes - in an oversexualised way. For me, my CF was something I was always embarrassed about when fucking men. I used to get out of breath a lot or gag too much when giving oral. Finally, I realised most people get out of breath and gag. We’re only human. Most men I dated had made me feel insecure as I was so skinny and they projected their own insecurities. This photoshoot was my way of celebrating my body and the tube in my stomach. I have never truly felt more liberated than I did posing for these images. Very similar to Samantha Jones in ‘Sex and the City’, when she poses for a nude shoot. I thought to myself, when the Uber Eats driver sees my photos in my hall he will think: “god they’re hot”, although as a struggling artist I may not be as generous as Samantha with my tips. Not at least till the 3rd date.
I spent a long period of my life being told my sexual fantasies were weird by lovers. I’ve always taken the attitude that as long as everything is consensual and legal, your body is your own. Love and sex for me has always been a partnership, and I am yet to meet a man who is fully is ready to fit my box. I have always explored my identity and relationships in my work, and theatre and television; one of my favourite and well known performances from my first show ‘Wasted Youth’ was a raj lip sync to ‘Always Come Back to Your Love’ by Samantha Mumba, whilst ripping off my exes’ names of my Tracey Emin inspired skirt. That ex-lovers skirt is defo up there with my accomplishments in exploring my sexuality.
The images for me have been part of a journey of self-discovery. Now I am so much healthier that I do not need to use many of these CF related objects, and in times of identity crisis, like this during the pandemic, that’s where these images really remind me of how far I’ve come in life and as a person. I didn’t fully love myself in those images, I was Jordy and not myself out of drag. I always encourage people that are single to fall back in love with yourself. I’ve been reading ‘Keeping The Love You Find’ by Harville Hendrix, and I can’t recommend it enough. You will learn parts of yourself you never knew existed; it is exciting but daunting.
I think when I named the series ‘Muck’, I felt like it was a good play on how we value sex as dirty, much like sputum people cough up in CF. It was only after years of making peace with my CF that I stopped swallowing sputum and started taking care of my health, much like when I started to open up my sexuality and stopped letting the negative voices of exes get inside my head. The pandemic has made me proud to be sex positive, supporting sex workers and the right to want to enjoy your orgasm. I’ve learnt to just let go and allow others to judge my artwork, like ‘Muck’, and know my worth. As Madonna once famously said: “I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.”
Featured Photos by: Rosslyn McKenzie
