Deliberate

The poetry I write only recently became erotic and I think that has to do with me making an effort to liberate my expression from fear and to take a more active role in the way I orient my life towards pleasure. This piece came to me while I was in bed fantasizing about my spouse after they left for work, and before I realized what was happening, this piece had flowed out of me. It was so exhilarating to access my sensuality in such a tangible way and then to also tell a story for others like me to connect to. It is the second of its kind and so far each one has lead to a different but fulfilling sexual experience with myself. As a sex positive queer femme of color, there aren’t often opportunities to publicly explore my sensuality. Certainly not in the way we are constantly, constantly confronted with heteronormative sexual practices and ideals. I think of the word “taboo” and how it can be applied to a great many queer sexual practices. I hardly ever (never?) see sex with a strap-on (what this poem is about) represented in mainstream depictions of sex.

QTPOC expression matters because it’s the only thing that truly belongs to us. Our voices are the most important because they contain our history, our perceptions, our essence. As a queer person of colour, there are so many compromises placed on how we can access freedom and experience pleasure. Lying in my bed in the apartment I live in with my spouse, it felt radical to write about having my body pleasured by my queer lover in a public place in a world that so often ignores queer sex completely.

I’ve written poetry since I was old enough to really be in my feelings and it has always been a way to process the things I couldn’t talk about yet. For me, poetry is all emotion. It’s intimate and the most honest. What is more vulnerable than honouring the space for your truest feelings? And sometimes those feelings are that you’re horny as fuck, it’s late, you’re out and the one you want looks too good not to touch.

DELIBERATE

you know when you roll up on a nigga in the club

it’s like 1 am you had some shit to do earlier

but you here now cuz

it’s late and it’s Friday

your pussy’s wet n you ain’t got no draws on

you already know wtf you bout to do

but you smirking cuz they have no idea

you know when your

pussy smell good and your outfit fit

exactly right

you drank some coffee at 4 pm so you don’t give a fuck about 2 am or what comes after cuz you down for the ride

and speaking of rides

you know when you tease that nigga all night

you grind on them to every song w a beat

breathe into their neck a little bit and ask them if they want another drink

you act like you don’t hear them so you can say what and really let them know how pretty you are for an extra 5 seconds

it’s always nice when they a little scared

they still don’t know how you bout to ride them tonight

when you finally get them alone you move slow

you pull your dress up over your ass

keeping your eyes on theirs

you wanna see them seeing you

when you get to the top of your ass you pause

fuck it’s nice to make them wait

they already got their dick in their hand cuz they couldn’t

your pussy is dripping wet but you would never let on

even tho you been watching the bulge in their pants all night

you know they wore it optimistically

hoping for some of your pussy

they ask if you’ll come over they’re about to die

you don’t answer

you put your hands on the wall

shake your ass let em smell your pussy

you love an eager nigga

they stroke their cock and make a face like an animal

you bend over spread your ass

they waste no time and

take advantage of smooth passage

their dick is in your belly

yum

but you are in charge so you force them backwards until it’s

wall them you

and you bend over and slam your ass back on that fucking dick

you arch deeper cuz it’s good mm

but you need to ride it so it’s the floor

you bend your knees and straddle

pussy so wet it’s running down your legs

goddamn

you grab their throat and grind that cock into your stomach

you feel your knees already about to shake w this wave you bracing for

clambering for

you try to slow down but it’s so fuckin good

your pussy is full and wet and hot and bout to fuckin cum

cuz this dick this fuckin fat wet cock grinding deeper and deeper into your pussy

you knew when you rolled up on your nigga in the club

what it was gonna be

you catch the surprise on their face as you unlock your hips

pressssssing your pelvis bruising your bones

cuz you wanna feel that dick in your throat

their eyes roll into the back of their head a willing sacrifice

there is no difference between their moan and your name when they push it out of their mouth

fuck this is it

you spread your ass and look down

smirking again cuz they either bout to cum or die by the looks of it

your true victory is building in your body

you close your eyes at the impact and scream

you love ramming a cock between your organs

soaked, you rub a finger over your pussy thanking her

tasting her

damn that bitch is delicious

you know when it’s 4 am and you just came so now you need some pancakes?

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