10 Tips For Better Sex With Fantasy And Taboo
1. Get Curious - taboo subjects and fantasies have something to tell us about ourselves, our psychology and our needs. Sometimes the message might not be obvious, but it's definitely in there somewhere and it might take some time to surface and be understood. This information is useful and leads to growth and deeper self-awareness, so don't be afraid to get curious about your fantasies.
2. You're not alone - whilst you might think your fantasies are unique to you, there is definitely someone out there who also finds that exact thing super hot! Part of the process of normalising taboo subjects is to realise that they're part of being human and surprisingly common. And depending on how closely you look on the internet, you will find entire groups that are dedicated to what you desire the most.
3. Privacy matters - having fantasies doesn't mean you have to tell anyone or act on them, there is nothing wrong with keeping them in your head or deciding to share them only with people you trust.
4. Safety first! For those who decide to put their fantasies into practice, the first thing to think about is how to do that safely for you and anyone else involved (think about safety in terms of mental/emotional safety, as well as physical). You could find a mentor, read books, blogs or articles, go to workshops or ask some friends, you might need to take some time to upskill yourself before diving in.
5. Get Creative - taboo subjects are a great fuel for creativity, whether that's creating poetry, erotic stories, porn/cinematography, drawing etc. You don't have to cover the subject specifically if you don't want to, you can take a broader look and explore the themes involved and the feelings that come up.
6. It's okay to get help - sometimes taboo subjects bring up problematic or uncomfortable feelings. It's okay to get help if you feel that you need it and you may want to consider seeing a counsellor/psychosexual therapist or sexuality practitioner to help you make sense of what's going on.
7. Shame can be hot (and normal!) - Shame is the great equaliser as most human beings have experienced it at some point in their lives. Brené Brown says 'shame derives its power from being unspeakable', so if we want to overcome our shame the first step is to talk about it in a safe environment. If that feels too difficult, admitting it to ourselves is a good first step. Playing with shame in the bedroom can be erotic and healing, you can craft a scene that feels exciting for you and use it as an opportunity to be witnessed by a supportive partner.
9. Make space - We all lead busy lives and making space for your inner world can seem unimportant when you're juggling work, relationships, children and financial pressures. Giving your fantasy world some space, even if it's only on the train home can work wonders for your connection to yourself, your ability to manage stress and switch off, as well as benefit libido and generate some new ideas for partnered sex.
10. Have fun! Playing with fantasy and taboo can be serious, but it can also be light-hearted and fun, so embrace your sexual self and start living your best life!
